How to start a red tent of your own

How to start a red tent of your own:

Find a stockpot that can hold your red tent.
1. start with a healthy dollop of money
2. add a dash of red fabrics, pillows, furniture
3. whisk in a healthy amount of curiosity and energy
4. stir in women’s empowerment
5. Cook until good smells and tastes emerge

Voila! You have a delicious stew that will yield results like you’ve never seen before.

Apologies for the cooking metaphor; I wouldn’t want anyone to think that women belong solely in the kitchen. :)

Seriously though. Here’s our guide to starting a red tent. While there might be variations depending on where you are, your space and money limitations, here are some things we’ve found to be universal.

1. Create your space. Your space can be online, in real life, wherever. The most important element is that women feel safe to express who they are; that they can ask their questions without being made to feel wrong or feel ashamed of their dilemmas, challenges, mistakes, etc. For some reason that I’m sure some psychologist (or advertiser) has explored, a relaxing red space speeds up that process. When we had the Red Tent Women’s Project space in Brooklyn, women would walk in, sigh, and tell me everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING.

And it isn’t hard to create space. All you have to do is have a welcoming demeanor (aka smile), and make it clear that differences of opinion and confidentiality are respected. Once those are established, you’re off to the races! (Note: you will need to make that clear at every event and every time a new person comes to your space, whether it’s online or virtual.)

2. Create a community to help you create a red tent community. There is no way whatsoever you can do this alone. And there is no reason whatsoever you should have to! You will need people to: help raise money, get the word out, help raise money, lead events, help raise money, keep your files organized, and have I said help raise money? Whether your red tent is a formal endeavor (getting nonprofit status in the US or similar in other countries) or it is an informal gathering, you can’t do it yourself.

And here’s another reason why you shouldn’t: women are socialized and acculturated to everything themselves. To be superwomen. Taught that “if I want something done right, I have to do it myself!” This paradigm has resulted in depression, anxiety, physical health issues, and financial health issues. We need to transform it. And if your goal is to create an empowering women’s space, the first place to start is with YOURSELF. So...ask for help. And when it’s offered, use it!

A word on the naysayers: you’ll come across people who think that it’s the stupidest idea they’ve ever heard, that you’ll never succeed, that you’re wasting your time and money. Those people are excellent, because they are telling you that you’re doing something transgressive (in the best possible way) and transformative. They are scared because you’re doing something that challenges their status quo, whether it’s because you’ll no longer be able to pick up the kids after school like you’ve always done, or because you’re trying to change women’s roles in the world. Change can be scary to many people. All you have to do is see their resistance for what it is, thank them for offering their opinion, and move onward and upward. There are plenty of people who think that what you’re doing is pure courageous genius. You just have to find them!

Or you’ll have the “I’d do it differently” person, telling you that you’re doing it wrong, that there’s a right way to do it. That’s great…have them read this guide and they can create a red tent of their own. The more the merrier!

3. Money. Yeah, you’re gonna need some. Again, the amount depends on whether you’re trying to create a formalized organization or an informal gathering or somewhere in between. Regardless, you’re going to need funds. I learned this the hard way: do not rely on your personal finances to create your red tent. Otherwise you might have a rude awakening a few months or years later! Creative fundraising is both fun and fairly lucrative (again, depending on your budget). Dinner parties, yard sales, bake sales, selling things on Amazon.com or Ebay...there are zillions of ways to raise funds. Use them.

Here’s another thing about money. Many of us who envision red tents everywhere are just that: visionaries. We’re not so much into the administration/finance side. We have a vision, and we want to make it real! However, in every endeavor—whether it’s starting a nonprofit or going to the movies with a bunch of friends—requires planning. The more carefully you plan, and the more you learn about money and planning (e.g. organizational development), the less you’ll want to tear your hair out later. So take a free class on nonprofit finance (they’re out there!). Take a class on budgeting and administration. Read a book.

4. Programming. So what are you going to do in your red tent? And how are you going to decide what to do? Who’s going to do it? Will you charge? All of these questions will help you shape your vision. And the more flexible and inclusive you are, the more likely you are to get help. (We differ in opinion from most nonprofit conventional wisdom here. They think that you have to be focused and narrow, but we think that’s boring and not inclusive.) The Red Tent Women’s Project’s goal is to empower and educate women and girls of all backgrounds. Very broad. Which means we can do lots of things on a variety of topics.

We decided to create an online survey to help determine our programming. Of course, all programming is dependent on resources (who’s going to lead something, whether they’re going to charge you for it, and where it’s going to be done). So we felt the best approach was to see what people wanted to learn about or teach, and go from there.

5. Flexibility. As I said before, red tent starters are visionaries. Which is great. It’s so much fun to be a visionary! To us, being a visionary means that you have an ultimate goal, a vision of what you want the world to look like and ideas of how to achieve it. Great! A vision is essential.

We have found, though, that flexibility in getting there is absolutely essential. Some things you try will work. Awesome! And some things won’t. Hey, that’s awesome too…it’s all research! Maybe you’ll want to try the things that don’t work a couple of times, to make sure they really don’t work before you throw out a good idea. That’s fine.

Eventually, though, you might have to let go of an approach. Which might be hard and depressing. But hey, it’s all learning! And giving yourself the freedom to fail, to try different things, to be creative, is so incredibly freeing.

This all might sound complicated and a little scary. Well, it is...but you’re a smart and strong woman and you can handle it!

You can also feel free to contact us at any time and we’ll give you advice.