Anger Management

Each of us has an overriding emotion, according to experts. Ever asked yourself what yours might be?

Mine has always been anger, but it wasn't until I was diagnosed just under 2 years ago with bipolar (the version that they call cyclothymia, where you experience rapid and abrupt changes in brain nerve cell function, resulting in mood changes - same as Stephen Fry) that I got to work with a psychotherapist and unpack my anger. At the tender age of 51, it was quite an undertaking. But I was sick of feeling like an unexploded timebomb...


I'm very open about this process, because I believe that the only thing that makes it worthwhile going through the crises that plague our lives is if we can get to help others through a similar crisis and make it a little easier for them. Not exactly 'bipolar and proud' - that would suggest that it's not a condition that's really, really hard to live with, and it is - but I've come to a place of acceptance. And learnt a lot about self-management.


This is what I've learnt about anger:


1. Anger, out of control, affects the chemical balance in the brain and body, and can result in serious illnesses.


2. Anger can be very unattractive, and even repellent to others. It needs to be understood and handled properly.


3. There are different kinds of anger:


a. 'Fight or flight' anger, generated in the 'reptilian brain' - the oldest and most deep-seated part of the human brain. It's this kind of anger that makes a snake bite. A reflex. Useful, but dangerous.


b. Emotional anger, generated in the 'mammalian brain' - the seat of feelings. Emotional anger can be historic: we react angrily because we think we're in for a repeat of a bad experience we've had before. Ever exploded at someone before you'd given them time to really communicate with you? Maybe the situation looks like developing into a something similar to that really bad past experience. Maybe it won't. The danger with this kind of anger is that you could treat someone really unfairly.


c. Moral anger - this is generated in the 'neo cortex', the thinking and reasoning brain. It's anger that is sometimes described as 'righteous'. You've had a long hard think, and deforestation in the Amazon Basin still makes you angry. You decide to join a campaign, and do something positive about it.


And that's the right way to 'manage' anger. Take the offence out of the realm of the purely personal. Maybe someone treated you with disrespect because (like me) you have a disability. So, see the bigger picture. Lots of people with disabilities get treated with disrespect. Channel your anger, and use it to motivate you to do something to educate people, to change people's attitudes, people's lives. Seek out others who are in tune with you. Lend your energy, intelligence and creativity to a good cause.


My women's organisation, The Red Tent (Heart of England) has just adopted a charity called ECPAT UK and are thinking of fundraising ideas. ECPAT campaign, and support other organisations' campaigns, against child prostitution, trafficking and pornography. I'm going to need all the energy I was wasting on anger to get ready for whatever fundraising event we come up with! I just hope they don't vote to run a marathon!


Best wishes to you all

Jan